itsanewday28

I’m off work tomorrow morning (working the night shift bla) so I think I’ll weigh myself  in the morning.  I don’t know if it’s such a good idea or not but I need to see where I stand.  On my weight loss tracker I put I was a few pounds  under what I really was on accendent.  Talk about depressing.  I’ve gone on a few walks this week and tryed to eat healthy breakfasts (small steps) so we shall see.  I’m going to try and stay busy tomorrow and not think about food too much.  Impossible? 

I bought a new book at the bookstore today called Ruby’s Diary.  The book is about the Reality TV star Ruby, who I talked about in my last blog, and her weight loss journey.  I’m desperatly seeking some inspiration and some direction.  So maybe that will keep my mind in a good place away from food. The time to change my life and find out who I am is now!

Why is it that everytime I get to the point where I want so badly to change my life and how I take care of my body It becomes even harder? I want so badly to get my life on track. My head is filled with all these great intentions and yet my hands wont stop shovelling food into my mouth??  I’ve been watching Style Network’s show Ruby, she has gone from 700+ pounds down to 300.  She is a great insparation!  Yet I was so emotionally worked up after watching an episode that what do I do but stuff my face. Crying at the same time I’m eating and all because I can’t stop eating! I’ve got such a long scary road ahead of me and that even scares me into eating.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around? AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  

I think maybe that this addiction I have may require actual  help! Someone to confide in!  This is an addiction just like drugs so I deserve help just like an addict should!  The problem is no money! All I know is that I’m ready to stop hidding under all these layers of fat and find myself and if I need someone to talk to in order to do that I need to find a way! 

Like Ruby says, ‘it’s never too late!”

I can if I think I can!

Just the idea of having to  put mental effort into healthy meal options scares me????!!!!!  It shouldn’t be that way. It’s a hard time in my life right now. 

I’m finally back on buddyslim!  I’ve taken a 6 month break due to moving and things of that nature.  My life has been a whirlwind and I gave up on the whole weight loss thing, like I have so many times before.  But I will give myself on tiny bit of credit I am now 8 months with out any soft drinks and due to a new job standing on my feet  I have lost 6lbs in two weeks!  I’m really ready to start some more healthy habits! I’m trying to restart my life here in the big city! I hope I can do it!

Well I “fell off the wagon” as I stated in my last post, but today I jumped back on! Wew, it was hard all the sugar i had been putting in my body had me craving some really bad things! It’s like I’m detoxing again. I know as soon as I get the sugar out of my body the cravings won’t be so bad. I gained 3 Lbs. over the week but amazingly I have still lost 2 1/2 inches in my wast since I started so I fell that it wasn’t a total loss! 

 As far as excersising goes I am so stinking tired of walking on the treadmill. The reason being,the treadmill is at my parents house and everytime I go over there they have a gloriously unhealthy dinner cooking and I don’t want the temptaion right now. Not to mention my step-mother tryes to get me to eat.  She is one of those people that if she can’t do it she doesn’t want you to either! It’s cold out or I would head to the park.  So it looks like I’m gonna have to start some aerobics videos! I could really use some Ideas on great starter videos to go buy. The only ones I’ve ever done are sweating to the oldies and that was a long time ago.  Any Sugesstions?

Believe it or not I did great during thanksgiving! It was hard but I did it! Then crash! Monday was here along with some major stressers and I mean I crashed hard and I already crashed again this morning! Yikes it’s really scarey because that old feeling of cravings and no self control is back! I have been such a staute of health for the past month and now I am craving! craving! Craving! Yesterday my stress got the best of me I ate so much I almost threwup and then I went to bed and slept for 13-14 hours strait! I think the sleeping was to avoid all the guilt of eating! Ahh…. I’ll get it back together! I have to!

If you want to be inspired, this wonderful Doctor is just the person to do it! I had already started small steps to becoming more healthy (ditching the cokes and chocolate) when I turn on the TV one afternoon and see Dr. Oz’s new show.  I was shocked and amazed at how much this Doctor cared about the heath of this country.  But I was even more amazed at how everything he said clicked! I started to understand for the first time how my body worked and that seemed to help me understand how to feed my body to make it work the right way.

    Wow! I was really picturing for the first time eating healthy! From there on I fell in love with the Dr. Oz show and everytime I watched it I gained more confidence. Then one night while flipping channels I saw a specail called You: On a Diet. Now normally I would not even pause at this station, but Dr. Oz was on it!! Wow by the end of the show I was jumping in my car and off to the bookstore to by this wonderfull new book called You: on a diet! So not like me at all, but, I was inspired!  Dr. Oz cares! Doctors don’t often care enough. If you need true inspiration I urge you to start watching the Dr. Oz show.  If you feel like I did after watching him and are hooked on his idea of what wellness is then I know you’ll want to go out and grab his book too!

The weekends are always the hardest! More time to think about food! Yuck! I actually did good! I fought my craving to just pig out! Instead I ate healthy.  Night time is the hardest! I swear, the sun starts to set and feel like I could lose all control! I don’t know what that is all about? I turn into the vampire of food! I’ve been shutting down the kitchen at 8:30, however, this weekend i lost that battle. I ate some very light popcorn while watching a movie after 8:30 and then a granola bar the next night. Oh well I’m not gonna let myself get down because what I really wanted was a giant ice cream sunday and a coke! I stood firm though! I do feel myself wanting to slip though for the first time in a month.  I think I’m going to start a list of all the reasons I am finally starting to wage my defense against the weight loss war! Maybe that will help because I know I will have those days that i forget, a minute on the lips strait to the hips! I didn’t walk saturday or sunday either but i did make myself stay busy! My house is just about spotless! Now that I am finally eating right and exercising i am pulling out of the depression i was in. My house is now clean now! The depression of my wieght gain had left me not caring about my house! Now I care again for the first time in a long time!

Well, i’m here, and I can hardly believe it! It all started about 3 months ago,  Something finally kicked in for me and bam, I’m on the fast track to wellness! I’ve never done this well before at eating healthy,  So it’s very exciting but very scary too.  I’m scared of the plateaus the cheating all the downfalls! I know I will have them, but will i be able to make my You-turn and keep etching away at it like a stone statue! I could really use the support of those who are there right along with me fighting the battle of their lives and I hope that I have came to the right place to find the extra encouragement that we all need!